In the area of Christian spirituality, various tools and practices are utilized to deepen one’s connection with God as well as to understand inner dynamics. While traditionally, spiritual formation has been associated with worship, prayer, fasting, contemplation, and other spiritual practices (Richard Foster, Dallas Willard, Oswald Chambers, Don Whitney, Ruth Haley Barton, etc.), the integration of psychological tools has become increasingly prevalent in recent times. This integration brings a unique perspective to spiritual formation, emphasizing the importance of addressing emotional and psychological well-being alongside traditional spiritual rhythms.^[1]

One of the central aspects of incorporating psychological tools into spiritual formation is the focus on self-awareness and inner emotional and mental healing. Psychological tools such as therapy, journaling, and self-reflection exercises can help individuals explore their past experiences, traumas, belief systems, and family of origin that may be hindering their spiritual growth. By gaining insight into their emotional and psychological patterns, individuals can identify and release blocks that prevent them from fully connecting with their spirituality.

Moreover, psychological tools provide practical strategies for managing stress, anxiety, and other mental health challenges that can disrupt one’s spiritual journey in the sanctification process. Techniques like cognitive-behavioral therapy, awareness practices, and breathing exercises offer individuals tools to cultivate emotional resilience and maintain a sense of peace amidst life’s challenges. By addressing psychological well-being, individuals can create a strong foundation for spiritual growth and transformation.

Furthermore, the integration of psychological tools in spiritual formation emphasizes the holistic nature of human beings. It recognizes that spirituality is not separate from our mental, emotional, and physical health but rather interconnected with all aspects of our being. Through practices that integrate psychology and spirituality, individuals can cultivate a deeper sense of presence, empathy, and authenticity, leading to Christian flourishing.

In my Spiritual Direction sessions, I have many Pastors, business leaders, military officers, non-profit leaders, etc. who see counselors concurrently. Though there are overlaps in each session, the purposes vary. I typically hear, “My therapist said something similar to what you just said, but from a different perspective.” I smile because I understand that we humans are complex and need many approaches to our well-being. There are, however, those who adhere to nouthetic only approaches to emotional, spiritual, and mental challenges. The introduction of psychological tools in the spiritual formation process presents a fundamental issue from their perspective.

In conclusion, the role of psychological tools in spiritual formation is a dynamic and evolving field that offers a holistic approach to personal growth and holiness. By integrating psychological insights and practices into traditional spiritual disciplines, individuals can embark on a journey of self-discovery, healing, and abundant living (John 10:10). This integration not only enhances one’s psychological well-being but also deepens their connection to the Divine fostering a greater sense of peace and fulfillment, ultimately emulating Christlikeness in thought, behavior, and attitude. 

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^[1] I realize there is much overlap here, but for the purposes of distinction and brevity I am pressing on with the post.

Our family of origin plays a significant role in shaping who we are today, influencing our beliefs, values, and relationships. When it comes to spiritual formation—the process of becoming Christlike—family dynamics and issues from our upbringing can have a profound impact on our spiritual journey. Understanding and addressing these family of origin issues is crucial for fostering personal growth, healing, and spiritual transformation.

One of the key ways family of origin issues influence spiritual formation is through the transmission of beliefs and practices. Our early interactions with family members, caregivers, and ministry leaders, etc. shape our understanding of spirituality, morality, and the sacred. Positive experiences, such as being raised in a nurturing and supportive religious environment, can foster a strong foundation for spiritual growth. Conversely, negative experiences, such as trauma, conflict, or religious abuse, can create barriers to spiritual formation and lead to feelings of guilt, shame, or unworthiness in relation to one’s faith.

Moreover, unresolved family of origin issues can manifest in interpersonal dynamics and relationship patterns that impact our spiritual journey. For example, attachment styles learned in childhood may influence how we relate to God, affecting our ability to trust, surrender, or feel connected in our spiritual practices. Issues such as codependency, boundaries, and unresolved conflicts within the family can also hinder our ability to experience true intimacy and connection in our relationship with the Triune God.

Additionally, family of origin issues can contribute to emotional wounds, insecurities, and limiting beliefs that obstruct spiritual growth and self-discovery and likely contribute to deconstruction of one’s faith (Check out, Why I Still Believe by Mary Jo Sharp to understand my working definition of deconstruction). Patterns of dysfunction, abuse, neglect, or dysfunction within the family system can create internal barriers that prevent individuals from fully embracing their spirituality, experiencing unconditional love, or finding forgiveness and healing. Addressing these deep-seated wounds and traumas is essential for breaking free from the past and opening up to profound spiritual insights and transformations.

In conclusion, the impact of family of origin issues in spiritual formation underscores the interconnectedness of our personal history, psychological well-being, and spiritual journey. By exploring and working through these issues with compassion, self-awareness, and support, individuals can heal old wounds, reframe limiting beliefs, and cultivate a deeper connection with God, other believers, and their community. Ultimately, embracing our past and integrating its lessons into our spiritual practices can empower us to transcend old patterns, awaken to our true selves (See C.S. Lewis, Ruth Haley Barton, Thomas Merton, etc.), and experience a profound sense of wholeness, purpose, and ultimate meaning through the leading of the Holy Spirit.

“My family has long held onto *insert destructive behavior* but I plan to be the cycle-breaker.” Breaking the Cycle seems to be a simple thing. Why do we struggle with it?

Many of us grow up observing the life-giving and life-taking influences of those around us. As teenagers and young adults, we quickly enter into evaluation of those closest to us – parents/guardians/others. We absolutely know the buttons to push to activate rage dad or defensive mom or rage mom and defensive dad. We know the expected paths to take to be accepted by our tribe, town, or community even when those paths are akin to entering a never ending-vortex of sameness and decay, yet with the promise of renewal and progression.

Mom, Dad, Community, Tribe constitutes the strongest mesocyclone of influence reaching much further into the future than our strong-willed younger years. The swirling winds of control are accompanied with occasional straight-line winds of force strong enough to destroy any sense of foundational growth in determining one’s own future. Family pull is real. Family pull is strong. It is a vortex of its own making.

Try breaking from the expected projection for your life – Families that are stuck in generational cycles (whether known or not known) will exert immense pressure to conform to spiritual, political, geographical, and psychological means of expression. Those that don’t conform undergo an alienation that leaves one feeling lost, untethered, and without shelter. Psychological homelessness oftentimes leads to dark places. Let me share the story of two friends.

Friend #1 Story

I was talking to a friend the other day at lunch who is from the US south. Although he has lived in the Pacific Northwest for the majority of his life, his family continues to expect a return to ‘home.’ There is no consideration given to freeing him to live in a part of the world where he has made a home. There is little reverse consideration to moving to him.

Friend #2 Story

Conversely, another friend enjoys a completely different way of enjoying family. Though his job moved him from the west coast to the south, his extended family chose to move with him to be near him. Though the extended family was retired, it was more important for them to be a family unit with the friend who was still in his working years. This dynamic is more difficult but allows for a continued fostering of traditions, love, and the passing of legacy.

How do we break the cycle of abuse, decay, and destruction?

Not every family is mature enough to see the value friend #2 experiences. Most families are limited physically or financially, divorced multiple times, or simply stuck in personal vices. Breaking the cycle starts with you. There is no other way.

Raising one’s Ebenezer in a call for help requires humility to gain ultimate help in this step. Today is the moment to seek bedrock on which to establish a shelter from abuse, decay, and destruction. Here is calm. Here is strength.

The calm is strength.

There is a calm before the storm, a calm amidst the storm, and a calm after the storm. It is our choice to focus on the storm or the calm. The storm is expected and brings a focus to self. The calm is whisking away from self beyond the stratosphere.

Solitude, silence, the mundane, listening, and beauty are moments that rise above. Seek these strengths even in the midst of the storms of generational cycles. It is in these moments that we see creation from the eyes of God Himself. Culture and false self in family instinctively grab for control and conformity. Doing something counter-cultural or definitively unique from past generations in the family will be questioned, mocked, met with a building storm of passive aggressive talk, and even belittled. It is OK. You will be OK. Breaking the cycle is a necessary event as it moves the focus from self to the bringer of calm. The one who is peace.

Interested in discussing this topic more? Contact me.

“Listening is much more than allowing another to talk while waiting for a chance to respond. Listening is paying full attention to others and welcoming them into our very beings. The beauty of listening is that those who are listened to start feeling accepted, start taking our words more seriously and discovering their true selves.” – Henri Nouwen